Caveat: If you don’t find humor in the sometimes phallic nature of our universe, save yourself now and read no further today.
Setting: Yesterday, on my phone in the kitchen.
Two years ago, my son’s very best pal moved out-of-state. It was a tough time. He hasn’t been able to discover a similar friendship since. Frankly, I’m not sure he will… until college if they land on the same campus.
His mom and I became good friends over time. The boys often Skype with one another and send humorous video clips to and fro to stay in touch from our phones. I think that the entertainment value is just as much for us as it is for them. These two are like Curly and Mo. Actually, more like Aykroyd and Belushi.
The boys also invented a long distance game of sorts. When they are at a park, in the grocery aisles, on a family vacation (or anywhere for that matter) in their respective states, they will serendipitously discover clues that have been magically left for one another. Sometimes, it can be a directive. Example: Walk eight paces out of your front door. Turn in three full circles then drop for five push-ups. Proceed to nearest tree. Walk around perimeter of tree truck twice with one hand on tree at all times while making favorite animal noise. Stop. Clue is within sight. It is as though they have been sneaking out at night to leave one another tokens of their esteem or tokens of randomness to find in the coming days or weeks.
This (below) is a discovery from Operation ShellaCool at the beach last summer when my son was digging and found The Clue.
Sometimes, there is no directive. It is just a nomadic stumble upon. Like, hey, check out that cool sea glass. Turner probably left that for me.
(Above) My son’s pal is looking for a clue presumably left by my son, Turner, among the red bricks on this super cool wall a full time-zone away.
So, yesterday, I am in my kitchen deciding if my heart will get racy if I brew the third cup of coffee.
My phone buzzes. A text.
Excellent. I will procrastinate further now, I think.
I look down and see this:
And since I couldn’t really see what the object in question was, I clicked on the image and saw this in what I can only describe as high def:
The following exchange ensued. You can see me (below) denying any wrongdoing. Apparently, I forgot for a second that you can’t actually teleport and leave phallic clues to be found in various places across the planet.
The sweet little guy thought the intriguing tchotchke that he found in some random place was a rocketship. And his sweet mom didn’t have the heart to tell him any different. Bless them both. We are trying to come up with a plan for facing the teacher later.
I suppose the takeaway here is that what happens in Vegas doesn’t always stay in Vegas if you know what I mean. Even though I know it is hard (no pun) to part ways with such sentimental artifacts, maybe it’s time to offer a collective sigh and toss some things to the landfill. I still maintain my absolute innocence here.
Oh, and about that third cup of coffee. Not even close to necessary. Turns out snarfing large quantities of air has the same effects as caffeine.
Laughter. Always the best medicine.
Oh and if this is your long lost keychain, feel free to contact me and we will do our best to get it returned to you in good condition.
Special thanks to my anonymous friend for letting me share this lively travail of parenthood.